a boy is the gum stuck in my hair.

 

i feel like there's gum stuck to my shoe

or maybe stuck in my hair

and the only way to get it out

 is to chop it off

leaving me with a chunk missing from the top of my head.

but that's what i fear. 

what do i do while it's growing out?

how do i get through the awkward phase?

how do i focus on other things?

i can't focus if the gum is in my hair

or a chunk is missing.

just like i am STILL stuck on this whole boy thing.

a boy is a piece of gum

a boy will pull you by your hair

and make you cry when they cut themselves off.

a boy will be mad that you stereotype them

but proceed to play you like a toy

exactly like the boy before them did.

a boy will pretend they love you

and enjoy you

and care for you.

a boy will worry about you driving home.

or walking late at night.

a boy will keep your hand warm

and offer a jacket when you need it

and even when you don't.

a boy will send you goodmorning texts

they'll ask about your day

and say goodnight knowing you'll be dreaming of them

a boy will also change.

a boy will invade every aspect of your life

and convince you that they're there to stay.

and just when they have a space in your heart

and their clothes at your place

they will leave.

so you sit

waiting by the phone

hoping for a goodmorning text before it turns 12. 

soon its 3

and still nothing.

5?

maybe he was working.

its 11

and you're tossing in your bed.

whispering goodnight to yourself.

2 weeks later and still not over it.

my chunk of hair is growing slowly.

but getting over it

is not easier. 

a month goes by and a boy is still the topic of my writing.

the topic at therapy.

the topic at the gym.

the punchline of my jokes.

and the first thing i think of when under the influence.

a boy becomes what you try to distract yourself from.

after you've already related them to songs

to movies

to colors

to clothes

to activities

to places

and now those things are all off limit for you.

i can no longer go to the alley cat cafe because of a boy.

i can no longer watch raising arizona because of a boy.

i can no longer listen to weezer because of a boy.

i can no longer listen to the smashing pumpkins because of a boy,

and i avoid all these places

all these things

just like i would avoid cutting the gum from my hair. 

so i'll go out to coffee by myself

and pretend it's more fun without you.

i'll scroll on instagram

and pretend i didn't notice you unfollowed me. 

i'll go on more dates

and pretend i'm not comparing them to you.

i'll continue to live my life

and pretend i'm not upset

by the relationships

and situationships

that feel like gum in my hair.

-o