trust

 maybe not everyone is actually lying. 

everything i claimed wasn't true

that i was so insistent on not ever happening

i literally lived through.

exactly the way so many people claimed these processes go.

even how i said it in my moving on post.

so obviously 

i didn't think moving on from someone was possible.

until i got the closure i needed. 

which APPARENTLY happens 

and just like that 

after months that felt like years.

i was over it.

and i wasn't looking for something to fill that void. 

i started caring for myself genuinely rather than doing it because i thought i should. 

i reconnected with old friends

i reconnected with my mom and step dad

i got a job

i met someone 

(already knew them, crazy fr)

just actually tried to get my shit together. 

and maybe it helped that they read my blog.

and a whole new side of them came out 

(one that made it sound as if they didn't really read it) 

i stayed calm and explained

(though i'm not sure it was necessary)

but their anger was the complete opposite reaction i expected

but i guess one that i needed.

i apologized

but it's not really my problem.

just hope they are doing better.

but back to my point. 

moving on is fr 

grieving is fr

getting better is fr

i guess everything i yelled about for months 

is for fucking real. 

and i'm honestly not sure why i was so pissed about it.

maybe jealousy?

maybe i didn't think any of it could happen for me. 

or maybe its because no one talked about their process.

they made it seem as if they went

from rock bottom

to the top of the world. 

extremely deceiving

and that shit does NOT happen overnight.

but it does happen.

and by no means am i absolutely killin it rn 

and i still get upset

and tired

and i miss people

and i get mad

and i yell

or i shut down

the list goes on and on

because all those feelings (and more)

are valid

but i'm still able to be happy

and enjoy the things and people i love

and experience things. 

and be motivated

(as much as i can be)

this blog is all over the fucking place i apologize

but fr

gotta start trusting people more. 

-o