shitty rambling

 

i find it difficult to be happy

when you're stuck focusing on things that:

you don't have

you miss

you wish you had

you wish you were

and all related.

i know if i made an effort to appreciate things i have

things that i've done

general appreciation

rather than focusing on what i used to have or will never have.

but as i type this i know its easier said than done.

i can sit with my feelings and accept them for what they are

but why do i only sit with the sad feelings?

the angry ones?

all the so called "negative ones"

i never get to sit with the happy feelings. 

am i supposed to?

they get accepted with open arms

no time for sitting

but i only feel that happiness for a short while when something happens

i get a job, or a new item, or something nice happens idk

but then its gone once the novelty wears off or something else moves my attention

long story short

i don't get to sit and try to enjoy my happy feelings

not in the same way i sit with the bad ones. 

is it possible to savour every moment of happiness

or does that leave you living in the past

grasping on to every happy thing you've experienced. 

at that point i feel all the moments would lose their novelty. 

yet same thing goes for sitting with all the sad feelings. 

you become enveloped in the negative parts

and before you know it 

all the happy moments are out of view. 

but i'm rambling. 

-o